Nightmarish November

On my return to London, I found I had missed the start to a few big contracts and the teams I had worked with were going to be busy for a while without needing me. Agencies had nothing and even labour work had temporarily dried up. For a month I had nothing. . . . .nothing. My money dried up and I found myself eating what was left on the 'free' shelf at the hostel. I was walking everywhere because I could not afford a tube pass, I was hand washing my clothes because I could not afford to use the laundromat. I used the money I had for my rent and to keep in touch with Claudia. I could not let her know how difficult things had become for me because she had too much to handle already. Having fought so hard to get my credit card paid off a earlier, it now had to come out again.

After I got to London, I chose not to dwell on my treatment during my visit, but rather focus on bringing about a mood change in Claudia. It was easy enough to do since it was something to hold on to where work had temporarily slipped away. I wrote to her daily - I would go out and buy a card and write something and post it. The card I bought would depend on what took may fancy on the day. I did not want it to seem formulaic, routine or forced, they had to be like a cheeky text message; to instill the smile that I wanted. When I did finally get work, I would leave the hostel an hour early to make time to buy a card, sit and write something sweet and fun or else stand in a Post Office queue to get a small package weighed and sent. I felt I had to maintain the cheer and positive side to things.

Few who have read this far will be in any doubt as to what Claudia was up to all this time. However hard it may be to believe, I had not read anything into her behaviour. Apart from asking her the once, I never thought that she might be opening her legs for someone else. Even that question slipped through more as a coy, you-don't-love-me-anymore type of tease rather than a serious interrogation. She reminded me that I asked her when I later sat in bewilderment at the bombshell that she dropped at Christmas. She didn't have the guts to confess then. It could be that it was the first lie she told me - it certainly wasn't the last.