Post-Hervey Bay

Poor Claudia; returning from Hervey Bay and the wonderful season that she had was always going to be very tough. It was made tougher by the difficulty that she had finding work again. For months she moped about and made half-hearted attempts to find something. Her art, which had bloomed while faced with the daily inspiration that the Humpback Whales offered, was neglected again. While she never stopped looking for work, like so many who become disheartened in their search for employment, she looked on-line, in papers and contacted a few agencies. When nothing happened it was just the papers and on-line. Anything that looked interesting or a bit different, she veered away from. An attempt to encourage a different approach or to help her would be rebuffed. In reality, I am sure that it is a situation that many would recognise. Searching for work is a debilitating process if there is no immediate success. I did not think that Claudia was any different to others and while I was disheartened at my failure to inspire her, I thought that this was more me at fault than her. I had always prided myself in my ability to get work whenever I needed it. I was proud that, before the immigration department wanted one off me, I had never had a CV/Resume. My attitude to finding work was to door-knock until you got something, but I knew that this was an eccentricity rather than a particularly good approach. It had meant fifteen years of crap jobs and no real career, -nothing to feel proud of really,- but I did not let myself look at it that way.

When Claudia did get work, it was in a fashion that most people give no real thought to, but for her it was further proof of her inability to do anything. She got a job through someone who knew someone. I knew that the guy who had started up a distribution centre alongside us needed a second person to help him run the business while he chased clients. Simple as that. After a chat with Claudia, he felt that she would easily be capable of running things and of course, he was right. The company distributed two distinctive lines of office furniture, both up market, the one being a very posh modular system developed in Holland. Claudia handled orders, deliveries, the phone and faxes, she learnt the products, she took over roles that had been run by people in the Melbourne head office who had left and not been replaced. She gave the local branch it's smiling face and personality.......... and she alternated between being bored and feeling insecure about it all. What could I do? It seemed to me that Claudia was just going to be that way - always. She had more status and responsibility than she would ever be able to have in Germany without many years more experience and many more bits of paper relevant to what she was doing. And despite this she was not merely dissatisfied, but actively unhappy with her work. Speak to her now about it and all that she will remember is that I got her the job and, when the decision was made a year later to close the place because Melbourne clashed with the local boss and times were a bit tough, her boss left without speaking to her. Those two things. Her boss was a queer old stick and when the place closed, he didn't speak to anyone, he never dropped by again - nothing. It was strange because he had regularly dropped by for a chat in the mornings or a beer at closing time; we had our Christmas party together because it was just the two of them. And then he locked the door and left! Not a word of thanks to Claudia, not a reply to any calls she made requesting a reference - nothing. Bizarre and bad mannered to the rest of us, it was a body blow to Claudia's fragile confidence and I was very angry and upset by the hurt it caused her. Melbourne loved her to bits and she could have gone down there to work, but no, she will downplay all that.

This whole blog is an attempt to analyse our time together and where the cracks in Claudia showed themselves leading to our ultimate dissintegration as a couple. As a result, at times it looks like our time together was a constant struggle. That is not correct. Together we were a very, very happy couple. We had a great house, garden, friends, our weekends were filled with fun and adventure when we packed Helga up and headed off. We never fought or had real arguments , there were never sulks or moods that dragged on more than a couple of hours, we were always able to keep each other bouyant. All this despite money being tight and our circumstances modest. We loved each other dearly and were deeply commited to each other.