Missed Opportunities.

I had for ages tried to broach the subject of getting into a field that interested her more or going to study further, but Claudia never took any of that seriously. No matter how I broached the matter, I would eventually get scythed down and there would be no more talk of it for a time. I was innovative in my approach. I did the legwork, I made phone calls, I did research on the internet, I had plenty of ideas and suggestions. Friends and colleagues were also a source of inspiration and ideas, but, just as she is doing now, she would shut herself off from everyone and remain firmly seated on the pity pot. I was there, a supportive partner, for whatever endeavour she chose to pursue, I would have backed her as fully as I had over Hervey Bay and the whale-watching season. Australia offers a wealth of opportunity that the "Old World" ran out of centuries ago. We already knew that we could manage on one salary. She could have learnt to look after injured wildlife, done an Occupational Therapy course to supplement her degree in pedagogy or she could have tutored German. Claudia has a creative streak that runs broad. We could have had a stall in a flea market on weekends and sold something she made. She can turn her hand to any medium and produce breathtaking results. Carving rock, painting anything from canvas to walls, restoring furniture, arranging flowers, decorating; you name it, she would attract envious looks and admiration with anything that she did.

But it was not enough. The retort was always the same, "But I can't do anything original, I am too stupid." "That is just copied from something someone else did/a photograph/magazine. I am not original. I don't have my own ideas." I ask you, with the exception of contemporary art where idiots try to be more outrageous than each other, what art is not influenced by another's ideas? But then what do I know. I was just there at times as a punching bag, absorbing blows generated by self-pity, low self-esteem and frustration at her ennui and then catching her when the inevitable flood of tears came and she needed to sob miserably.

Back in Germany three years on, Claudia now bitterly regrets that she did not take more advantage of this period in her life. Perhaps she blames me for not pushing her harder to go and do something, and perhaps in that sense it was me that let us down. At the time though, I felt that I had done all I could.